Duggar Girls Announce Swimwear Line For Fundamentalists: You Don’t Have to Flash Your Knees to Be Sexy!
The women of the Duggar clan aren’t exactly known for their fashion sense.
After all, until Jinger Duggar rebelled and started wearing pants in 2017, all of Jim Bob and Michelle’s daughters rocked floor-length denim skirts and sported the long, Little House on the Prairie Without a Supercuts hairstyle favored by their mother.
Part of the reason for this is that the Jinger and her sisters are required to observe the strictures of “modest” dress at all times.
Of course, the Duggars are an outdoorsy crew, which has led many to wonder what the women and girls do when they play sports or go to the beach.
As we learned when Joy-Anna Duggar lifted weights in a skirt with sweatpants underneath, the answer is — they improvise.
But in the past two years, the Duggar sisters have become more independent and less fearful in their fashion choices.
So perhaps it should come as no surprise that Jana, Jill, Jessa and the rest of the J-squad have launched a business venture in hopes of providing an option to women who share their passions for evangelicalism and physical activity.
Introducing Dugkini — a swimwear line designed by the Duggar women and launched on the family website this afternoon.
A blog post credited to Jill and Jessa promises a look for every shape, and assures fans that when they’re rocking Dugkini there will always be three sets of footprints in the sand — one for you, one for the lord and savior JC, and one for bae, who’s sure to be close by your side when you’re sporting these designs!
Obviously, the Duggar gals faced some unique challenges that most swimwear designers are not forced to grapple with.
Namely, how to offer contemporary beach fashions without condemning your customers to an eternity in the fiery depths of hell.
“Just in time for summer, it’s the swimsuit that’ll make you the talk of your youth group trip to the Lake of the Ozarks,” the Duggar girls write.
“Sure, most swimwear designers might think it’s perfectly ‘groovy’ to flash your ankles up and down the beach like you’re Audrey Hepburn or Rita Hayworth (both of whom are currently sizzling on Satan’s rotisserie, btw), but we think it’s important to remember that you are responsible for the impure thoughts of the men in your life,” the post continues.
“So if you like your summers hot but your afterlives much more temperate, grab yourself a Dugkini and say, ‘Get behind me, Satan — but do not gaze thine eyes upon my backside while you’re back there.”
We’re sure the Duggar girls struggled with the possibility that their husbands might feel threatened by their ability to earn money, but it seems they ultimately decided that helping America’s harlots and floozies cover their sinful hides was more important.
We’re also sure that this is an April Fools’ joke.
We kid ya ’cause we love ya, Duggars!