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The Bachelorette Made Us Fall Even Deeper in Love With Tyler

By Max / Published on Tuesday, 25 Jun 2019 18:05 PM / No Comments / 488 views

The Bachelorette is back with a real episode and not a clip show! Hannah Brown and the boys went to Riga, Latvia. Latvia is the home of several basketball players, which is all I really know about the former Soviet nation. Although, according to Pilot Peter, it’s an easy place to imagine falling in love, shout-out to the title of my podcast.

Garrett got the first one-on-one, because the producers knew that would push Luke even further to the edge of sanity. Hannah likes Garrett, but she’s a little unsure of him, because he’s been a little slow to open up/is more interested in fighting with Luke than falling in love with her. Their date was to be naked bungee jumping. They bungee jump all the time on this show, but naked is a new twist! Hannah and Garrett realized what their date was going to be by walking up on some other people doing the jump, with fake screams added in post.

Apparently naked bungee jumping is a Latvian tradition! They were very nervous to do it, both because it was scary and also because it’s kinda humiliating. They both hoped their moms don’t watch this. Plus, it started snowing! No thank you, I say. They got naked and pressed their bodies together and got ready to jump. If I were Garrett, I would have like nine different types of fear. They jumped, and eventually their screams of terror turned into laughs of joy. “In the end, it was fun,” Hannah said, after howling like a coyote in exhilaration as Garrett popped champagne. Anyway, the naked jump was pretty unsexy. Hannah was too scared to be horny… during the jump. After is a different story.

“That is a real ding-dong,” Hannah remembered thinking earlier in the day during the dinner portion of the date. Garrett talked about how everyone wanted him to play football, but he hated football. He liked golf. You can’t do what people want you to do. He said he was falling in love with her. She’s not going to pick Garrett — Garrett feels like the fourth-place finisher at this point — but they had a nice time. She gave him the rose. Hannah was wearing an enormous, fuzzy pink coat accessorized with an equally enormous beaded necklace.

The next day, Garrett told the boys about the naked bungee jump, and Luke didn’t believe it. In an ITM, he said there was no way anyone wants to be naked with Garrett. He didn’t seem to realize at that moment that that date was expressly engineered to piss him off. On the group date, they went to a market. Hannah had so much fun! Luke was on his best behavior, and the other guys weren’t beefing with him. Until Hannah told the story about bungee jumping with Garrett. Then he got very upset. “Her body is her temple, and to expose it to anyone that isn’t her husband, that’s a slap in my face,” he said. Big yikes! Storm’s comin’.

During the group date cocktail party, Tyler told Hannah she looked like an angel the first time he saw her, and he prayed to God she would be his angel. Tyler’s smooth, man. “I just wanna keep making you feel special,” he said as she straddled him in a hot n’ heavy makeout sesh. Jed played piano for her, but Jed had a girlfriend when he went on the show, so no one at home was impressed. Luke told the other guys about how upset he was about Hannah’s naked date, while Tyler was like, “She’s living life to the fullest, let her enjoy herself.”

Luke went and talked to Hannah and said it felt like Hannah cheated on him by naked bungee jumping with Jed. He was like, “I’ll support you even if you make a boneheaded mistake.” She was looking at him with the look of someone holding back venom. Like he said, she asked him to be real with her. And this was him being real. This is what’s in his heart.

The next one-on-one was with Pilot Peter. They had a spa day, Latvian-style. The spa attendants put Midsommar crowns on them, the lady sang a very long, hypnotic folk song, and then they got tenderized with leaves. Then they went into a sauna where they got cooked like Hansel and Gretel. Yum! No, actually Pilot Peter and Hannah made out in the sauna and it was really hot, literally and figuratively. “If this works out, we are 100 percent getting a sauna in our house,” Pilot Peter said.

The dinner portion of the date was seeing if there was more to their connection than the physical. Pilot Peter talked more about being a pilot. He said he draws strength from his job because of the responsibility of holding people’s lives in his hands. He loves talking about being a pilot even more than I love talking about The Bachelorette. We did learn that Pilot Peter speaks Spanish, though! How about that.

When Pilot Peter came back from the date on cloud nine, Jed decided he needed to see Hannah. He brought his guitar over to her hotel and played a song in the street beneath her window until she came out. And then he went inside and played another song. Remember: Jed openly said he came on this show to promote his music career. And here’s the show, promoting his music career. They let him play a full song in Hannah’s bed, and then she made out with him, giving hope to dudes with guitars who want this exact romantic scenario to play out. He whispered that he was falling in love with her. Knowing what we know about Jed and his girlfriend and his previously stated intentions, it was hard to watch.

Back at the dude ranch, Luke and Garrett fought over Hannah and whether each was staying in their respective lane. Luke wanted Garrett to promise he wasn’t going to make a big deal out of their conflict in the rose ceremony, and Garrett wouldn’t. Luke kicked Garrett out of the room, and Garrett said, “Sweet dreams, Luke,” as he was leaving in a way that made me think he was going to Freddy Krueger him.

The thing Luke said during the cocktail party wasn’t sitting well with Hannah, so she called him to her room to talk to him about it. She was very hurt by his comment about meeting his family after having gone naked bungee jumping with another man. She told him that it wasn’t a sexual thing with Garrett, and even if it was, it’s not his business. “You’re not my husband, you don’t own me, you don’t own my body,” she said. He told her he just didn’t want to know about what was going on the other guys, which is fair. But then he started lying and saying he wasn’t trying to control her and that he wasn’t talking about the bungee jumping when he said “boneheaded mistake” and “meet my family.” And she was like, “You did say that.” He was trying to gaslight her, and she wouldn’t let him. She told him she was trying to figure out how she felt, whether she wanted to keep going with him or cut him loose. He straight-up said that maybe she didn’t remember what he said. “Why is it so hard for us?” Hannah asked, getting upset, not saying the next thing, which is “Why am I letting this be so hard? Why am I holding on to this?” The relationship is clearly not worth the stress it’s causing her, but she can’t give up yet.

Luke came back and told the guys he wasn’t going to tell them what just happened with Hannah, and that Hannah needs all the guys to stay in their own lanes. Tyler called Luke out for trying to be “the big dog.” Tyler was like, “Don’t you think it’s a double standard that you can parade around in a Speedo in front of everyone, but she can’t do what she wants on a one-on-one?” Tyler is a good dude. Chris Harrison walked in and said there’s no cocktail party, they’re going straight to the rose ceremony. For the third time in a row, Luke had messed up a cocktail party for the other guys. Dylan hasn’t gotten to talk to her in weeks.

Roses went to Jed, Mike, Conor, and… LUKE. GTFO, Hannah! Dylan and Dustin got sent home instead. The remaining dudes were SO PISSED. “What do you like about Luke?” Chris Harrison asked Hannah. “I’m either falling in love with Luke, or he is making me crazy.” Us too, Hannah. Us too.

The Bachelorette airs Mondays at 8/7c on ABC. It’s available to stream on Hulu.

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